HomeUnited KingdomRight, it’s Friday Night and the CasualUK Club is in full swing. John Smiths and Fosters are on tap, the pool table has just been resurfaced and the fruit machine is paying out. What characters are you seeing in here?
Right, it’s Friday Night and the CasualUK Club is in full swing. John Smiths and Fosters are on tap, the pool table has just been resurfaced and the fruit machine is paying out. What characters are you seeing in here?
July 26, 2024
Right, it’s Friday Night and the CasualUK Club is in full swing. John Smiths and Fosters are on tap, the pool table has just been resurfaced and the fruit machine is paying out. What characters are you seeing in here?
Fat bastard Keith who still thinks it’s the 80’s and he’s Simon Le Bon when in fact he’s more of a Limahl.
Hold the bells, mate!
Ronnie Pickering
Waiting patiently til 11:55 so I can put Mr Brightside on the jukie.
That kid you went to school with and your parents always ask how they are even though you haven’t spoken in a decade.
He studied geography at uni and is now an estate agent. Drives a 1 series.
That nice dog that sits under the table, half asleep
Knock-off Nigel
Big Bazza
The Mystery Meat Man
You and your pal sidle up to the table, put 50p in the slot, the balls all clunk down and you reach for the triangle. Just then a geezer comes out of the shadows, holding his own queue.
It’s winner stays on mate
That old boy who shares his pint with his dog
Keith, who brings his own set of darts, even though there’s no dart board. Best to be prepared though, it’s the pub darts fault he’s got a 45 average.
The deeply tanned tired-leather skinned bald old geezer proprietor, adorned in gold chains and sovereigns,with his shirt half open. Like an aged skinhead Mike Reed just back from Benidorm.
What time is the raffle for the meat tray? Put me down for two.
Smithy and Deano.
Just got back from Turkey, who wants some fags?
Keith. Always a Keith in there.
Mr “I’m not racist, but…”
This sounds like every local I knew from when I was growing up. 17-year-old me would fit right in. 40-year-old me is not so sure.
The man at the bar making ‘pint of bitter’ references convinced he’s Alan Partridge
Fanny Rat, Nibby, Rambo, Wisey are all round the back bar guzzling Fosters whilst their wives are in the front bar …their kids are bulling one another in an alcove, downing J20’s and vaping their tits off.
Wisey just spunked his wages in the fruitie and he’s definitely gonna wallop someone.
Kieth walks in and immediately chucks £2 in the juke box. He’s just put a load Kenny Rogers tracks on which, depending on how merry everyone is, could go either way.
Both Johnny the Horse *and* Johnny the Blade.
Cossey, for sure, and later on I reckon that ‘Flakey J’ will appear. Assuming he isn’t too much of a cunt, of course.
The designated driver in the blue ford wanting a of lime cordial.
A group of 16 year olds ina corner trying to work up the courage to order a round of drinks… eventually.
The lady with bright pink hair who identifies as a witch and is psychic, and has many cats.
A couple of guys with 12 quid in 50ps stacked up on the pool table, one of whom bangs his cue loudly on the table to point out the pocket he’s going for before whacking it off of 7 cushions and yelling “hit and hope!!”
The local wheel dealer just set up a 12 foot inflatable in the beer garden. Looks suspiciously like a love length, but he’s adamant it’s “sammy snake”
That one person who tries to ruin everyone’s night by talking about politics.
Old guy in double demin who looks like a washed up Les Battersby. He’s in the corner shuffling around to music that nobody else can hear.
The fish man coming round between “turns”. He used to drive from Grimsby every Saturday night and do the rounds at the social clubs with his seafood tray. Good times
Having worked in a pub, you might see Fosters Pete, Fosters Tony, Guinness Pete, and possibly Fosters Dave. Maybe even snakebite Dave if he forgets he’s barred.
Where is this? It’s perfect and I must drink in it.
Billy Bleach from the Fast Show. Fucking up everyone’s change and giving bad advice about the slots.
Bloke who’s got his own pint glass behind the bar and addresses the landlord as mine host.
Me and the family bro
Man sat in the corner drinking carling. They call him ‘glass back’ because his back is fucked. Hasn’t worked in two decades
Either the fishmonger or the butcher. After 11pm, flogging their respective meats for a bargain.
The cards players in the lounge, darts players in the bar.
Me, aged ten, asleep on a bench seat with my dad’s coat over me cuz it’s near midnight but I’m only pretending so I can hear all the gossip from the adults.
Jason, coked up to his eyeballs and ten pints in. Still got his hi-viz vest on, talking a hundred miles an hour about how many thousands of bricks he’s laid this week… “IVE CLEARED TWO FUCKIN GRAND THIS WEEK MAN”
37 comments
Someone will 100% be wearing an eye patch.
Fat bastard Keith who still thinks it’s the 80’s and he’s Simon Le Bon when in fact he’s more of a Limahl.
Hold the bells, mate!
Ronnie Pickering
Waiting patiently til 11:55 so I can put Mr Brightside on the jukie.
That kid you went to school with and your parents always ask how they are even though you haven’t spoken in a decade.
He studied geography at uni and is now an estate agent. Drives a 1 series.
That nice dog that sits under the table, half asleep
Knock-off Nigel
Big Bazza
The Mystery Meat Man
You and your pal sidle up to the table, put 50p in the slot, the balls all clunk down and you reach for the triangle. Just then a geezer comes out of the shadows, holding his own queue.
It’s winner stays on mate
That old boy who shares his pint with his dog
Keith, who brings his own set of darts, even though there’s no dart board. Best to be prepared though, it’s the pub darts fault he’s got a 45 average.
The deeply tanned tired-leather skinned bald old geezer proprietor, adorned in gold chains and sovereigns,with his shirt half open. Like an aged skinhead Mike Reed just back from Benidorm.
What time is the raffle for the meat tray? Put me down for two.
Smithy and Deano.
Just got back from Turkey, who wants some fags?
Keith. Always a Keith in there.
Mr “I’m not racist, but…”
This sounds like every local I knew from when I was growing up. 17-year-old me would fit right in. 40-year-old me is not so sure.
The man at the bar making ‘pint of bitter’ references convinced he’s Alan Partridge
Fanny Rat, Nibby, Rambo, Wisey are all round the back bar guzzling Fosters whilst their wives are in the front bar …their kids are bulling one another in an alcove, downing J20’s and vaping their tits off.
Wisey just spunked his wages in the fruitie and he’s definitely gonna wallop someone.
Kieth walks in and immediately chucks £2 in the juke box. He’s just put a load Kenny Rogers tracks on which, depending on how merry everyone is, could go either way.
Both Johnny the Horse *and* Johnny the Blade.
Cossey, for sure, and later on I reckon that ‘Flakey J’ will appear. Assuming he isn’t too much of a cunt, of course.
The designated driver in the blue ford wanting a of lime cordial.
A group of 16 year olds ina corner trying to work up the courage to order a round of drinks… eventually.
The lady with bright pink hair who identifies as a witch and is psychic, and has many cats.
A couple of guys with 12 quid in 50ps stacked up on the pool table, one of whom bangs his cue loudly on the table to point out the pocket he’s going for before whacking it off of 7 cushions and yelling “hit and hope!!”
The local wheel dealer just set up a 12 foot inflatable in the beer garden. Looks suspiciously like a love length, but he’s adamant it’s “sammy snake”
That one person who tries to ruin everyone’s night by talking about politics.
Old guy in double demin who looks like a washed up Les Battersby. He’s in the corner shuffling around to music that nobody else can hear.
The fish man coming round between “turns”. He used to drive from Grimsby every Saturday night and do the rounds at the social clubs with his seafood tray. Good times
Having worked in a pub, you might see Fosters Pete, Fosters Tony, Guinness Pete, and possibly Fosters Dave. Maybe even snakebite Dave if he forgets he’s barred.
Where is this? It’s perfect and I must drink in it.
Billy Bleach from the Fast Show. Fucking up everyone’s change and giving bad advice about the slots.
Bloke who’s got his own pint glass behind the bar and addresses the landlord as mine host.
Me and the family bro
Man sat in the corner drinking carling. They call him ‘glass back’ because his back is fucked. Hasn’t worked in two decades
Either the fishmonger or the butcher. After 11pm, flogging their respective meats for a bargain.
The cards players in the lounge, darts players in the bar.
Me, aged ten, asleep on a bench seat with my dad’s coat over me cuz it’s near midnight but I’m only pretending so I can hear all the gossip from the adults.
Jason, coked up to his eyeballs and ten pints in. Still got his hi-viz vest on, talking a hundred miles an hour about how many thousands of bricks he’s laid this week… “IVE CLEARED TWO FUCKIN GRAND THIS WEEK MAN”
Stringy Bob