If the Queen stopped weeing on the bar, maybe there’d be more customers.
Send them a photo of the Orc from Lord of the Rings with the caption “Looks like waters back on the menu babes xx”…
“mind the spider, i left it under a cup in the kitchen”
– Have you heard, he’s leaving Friday.
– Who?
– Robinson Crusoe
Hey guys – got big news; Victoria and I are having a baby!
Don’t reply to any comments, just let them fester. Not even sure if you’re a male, but that doesn’t really matter!
Whoever took the box in the bathroom, don’t look inside, just put it back and we’ll say no more.
The exorcist is coming round tomorrow afternoon; can someone let him in?
“talking of waters, mine just broke 😫”
“I’m moving out tomorrow morning. Sorry to spring it on you all. Can’t really explain. Hopefully I’ll see you before I go”
Not one singular customer? Is it full of couples and groups then?
my new boyfriend and his EMU will be moving in tomorrow xx
Lmfao
Ask if any of them have seen the giant spider that crawled into the walls.
Hey queen. Can you get me some tartan paint from B&Q? Fanx babes xoxo
Snake’s got loose, check your toilets in case he’s got in the plumbing again
One yank, all gone
“Anyone mind if I keep my coke stash behind the sink?”
Added to a group of two?
Whose porn is that I can hear on my Bluetooth speaker..
“Anyone seen my tarantula today?”
“I heard some people got dysentery there last week”
“I think I left the grass trimmer on in the living room. Sorry about that!”
_Sorry guys, I had a bit of an accident on the sofa. I cleaned it up though and I don’t think you can smell it any more_
Keep us updated?
“Has anyone else seen that rat in the bathroom?”
…could have a few meanings actually
Ask them why there’s a random dog in the garden wrecking the grass
I’m going out of town for a week I’ve left my key with my friend he needs somewhere to stay after 22 years in prison
Whoever ate sweetcorn last night – please learn to flush.
Be really passive aggressive about the dishes and see if they turn on each other
Does anyone not know how to flush after they’ve had a shit?!
“Turn the water back off there’s a leak under the sink!!”
Then send a picture of a leek under your sink
This is really embarrassing but…..
I’ve managed to lose my dildo up my ass. 🫣 I know this is a big ask, but can one of you come up and help fish it out?
Hey guys, not sure which towel I accidentally used but now I itch like a beast in the downstairs area. Which one of you has crabs?
“??? I’m here? queeen”
So sorry if that was your towel, I ran out of toilet roll and it was an emergency
I popped it on to boil
I’ve got some bad news queens! Turns out that cold I have is actually Ebloa virus! I must have caught it from that prostitute I had over the other night.
I hear scratching. Mmmmm it’s getting louder. Wait I know where it’s coming from.
I’ll go check..
“I just shat my pants…FULL LOAD. Will keep you updated”
“Just for fun I’m going to pretend like I have no idea what’s going on when you talk to me about the messages in this chat LOL, I may even pretend it’s not me queens”
40 comments
If the Queen stopped weeing on the bar, maybe there’d be more customers.
Send them a photo of the Orc from Lord of the Rings with the caption “Looks like waters back on the menu babes xx”…
“mind the spider, i left it under a cup in the kitchen”
– Have you heard, he’s leaving Friday.
– Who?
– Robinson Crusoe
Hey guys – got big news; Victoria and I are having a baby!
Don’t reply to any comments, just let them fester. Not even sure if you’re a male, but that doesn’t really matter!
Whoever took the box in the bathroom, don’t look inside, just put it back and we’ll say no more.
The exorcist is coming round tomorrow afternoon; can someone let him in?
“talking of waters, mine just broke 😫”
“I’m moving out tomorrow morning. Sorry to spring it on you all. Can’t really explain. Hopefully I’ll see you before I go”
Not one singular customer? Is it full of couples and groups then?
my new boyfriend and his EMU will be moving in tomorrow xx
Lmfao
Ask if any of them have seen the giant spider that crawled into the walls.
Hey queen. Can you get me some tartan paint from B&Q? Fanx babes xoxo
Snake’s got loose, check your toilets in case he’s got in the plumbing again
One yank, all gone
“Anyone mind if I keep my coke stash behind the sink?”
Added to a group of two?
Whose porn is that I can hear on my Bluetooth speaker..
“Anyone seen my tarantula today?”
“I heard some people got dysentery there last week”
“I think I left the grass trimmer on in the living room. Sorry about that!”
_Sorry guys, I had a bit of an accident on the sofa. I cleaned it up though and I don’t think you can smell it any more_
Keep us updated?
“Has anyone else seen that rat in the bathroom?”
…could have a few meanings actually
Ask them why there’s a random dog in the garden wrecking the grass
I’m going out of town for a week I’ve left my key with my friend he needs somewhere to stay after 22 years in prison
Whoever ate sweetcorn last night – please learn to flush.
Be really passive aggressive about the dishes and see if they turn on each other
Does anyone not know how to flush after they’ve had a shit?!
“Turn the water back off there’s a leak under the sink!!”
Then send a picture of a leek under your sink
This is really embarrassing but…..
I’ve managed to lose my dildo up my ass. 🫣 I know this is a big ask, but can one of you come up and help fish it out?
Hey guys, not sure which towel I accidentally used but now I itch like a beast in the downstairs area. Which one of you has crabs?
“??? I’m here? queeen”
So sorry if that was your towel, I ran out of toilet roll and it was an emergency
I popped it on to boil
I’ve got some bad news queens! Turns out that cold I have is actually Ebloa virus! I must have caught it from that prostitute I had over the other night.
I hear scratching. Mmmmm it’s getting louder. Wait I know where it’s coming from.
I’ll go check..
“I just shat my pants…FULL LOAD. Will keep you updated”
“Just for fun I’m going to pretend like I have no idea what’s going on when you talk to me about the messages in this chat LOL, I may even pretend it’s not me queens”
“How did you know I was hiding in the attic”