There is no question that relationships exist in a larger social context that includes prevailing political attitudes. As much as people may wish they could turn off the constant noise of politicians clamoring for media attention, the decisions that these same politicians make have the potential to turn people’s lives around. From the cost of housing to legislation that impacts healthcare, couples find themselves grappling with daily actions that someone with elected authority is taking, both practical and ideological. When election time comes around, these issues often come to a head. With any luck, romantic partners find themselves taking the same positions. If they don’t, though, what happens next?
Underlining the importance of politics to relationship success, dating apps are now including questions that assess whether a potential match is right- or left-leaning. Clearly, they’re onto something about how these “outside influences” determine a couple’s romantic fate. When election time comes around, these issues often come to a head. With any luck, romantic partners find themselves taking the same positions. If they don’t, though, what happens next?
Why Do Politics Matter?
As you start to think about where political differences fit into your relationship’s dynamics, it might strike you that it’s not just your partner’s views that can come into play, but also the views of your partner’s family and friends. Even if your partner shares completely opposite positions from these individuals, you may find it distasteful if not upsetting to be around them even if politics (thankfully) never comes up as a topic of conversation. A part of you might wonder, additionally, how your partner can stand to be around them, especially if it’s the friends, not the family, whose views are so radically different from the two of you.
According to University of Michigan’s Amie Gordon and colleagues (2024), it’s more likely that people who form a committed relationship actually do agree with each other, in a phenomenon known as “assortative mating.” People who agree with each other politically will also find each other more attractive (a vote of confidence for those dating apps). As reported by Gordon et al., a survey of Match.com users reported that only 59 percent of respondents believe that politics play an important role in finding a partner. However, as the authors note, “the majority of people … may just prefer that politics stays out of the bedroom.”
So, Does Politics Matter?
Using previously collected data (between 2020 and 2022) on a total of 4,584 adults (526 couples), the U. Michigan study examined the two questions of whether people prefer politically similar partners and whether, once in a relationship, similarity/dissimilarity makes a difference in relationship quality. In the U.S. sample, 32 percent were Republicans, 42 percent were Democrats, and 22 percent were Independents. The sample leaned toward the liberal end of the ideological continuum. Within the larger set of samples, one subset completed a daily diary questionnaire rating their relationship conflict and satisfaction for a 2-week period.
In addition to measuring political ideology and relationship quality, the data included ratings of factors that might influence the politics-relationship links. These included feelings of gratitude, perspective-taking (trying to see each other’s points of view), self-silencing (keeping your opinions to yourself), shared lifestyle (hobbies and interests), and shared values. Participants also rated their perceived similarity with their partner. In the daily diary study, questions also assessed political stress, defined as experiencing problems with “politics and current events.”
Turning to the first question, Gordon et al. found that, consistent with the assortative mating principle, people tended to be in relationships with partners who shared their beliefs. However, 25 percent were in relationships with opposite-party partners. This percentage dropped to 8 percent when the partnership was based on Democrat-Republican party affiliation (vs. Independents or others). Supporting the “keeping politics out of the bedroom” principle, though, the people who tended to be in politically dissimilar relationships just didn’t care that much about politics.
Given that people tend to find partners who agree with them (assuming politics matters), it should be no surprise that, turning to the second finding, the effect of political dissimilarity on relationship quality was not particularly large.
Digging deeper into their analyses, which included measures of actual and perceived similarity (within dyads), the authors found an important proviso to all of this: “even among those who cared less about politics, if they perceived their partner as less politically similar, they reported lower relationship quality relative to their more-similar counterparts.” The authors had suspected at the outset that the polarization of American politics could trickle down into relationships where partners differ in ideology. Despite the general similarity shown in this sample, this “pernicious” polarization had a small, but measurable, impact.
Within the smaller and perhaps more liberal daily diary sample, there were also effects of political differences on relationship quality, particularly when couples reported feeling political stress. In these cases, “their relationship may not be a source of safety and security when the political world is stressful.”
Politics can, then, play a role in relationship quality “at least a little bit.” However, other relationship factors also emerged, including appreciation and perspective-taking, which showed an overall much larger effect than ideological differences. These fundamental ingredients of a successful relationship can help a politically disparate couple “drown out” whatever ideological factors rise to the surface on a day-to-day basis.
Putting the Results to Use
You may be breathing a sigh of relief when you learn that, even if your partner doesn’t come out on the same side of a debate as you do, your relationship isn’t doomed. Chances are, though, that you have found a partner who shares not only your feelings for each other but also your feelings on the issues of the day.
The Gordon et al. findings suggest that even if you generally get along despite these differences, it’s important to be wary of the possibility that polarization seeps into your relationship. Over time, as the authors note, small frictions can build into “substantial divides.” To prevent this before it happens, the study’s findings suggest that it’s important to work hard on those relationship-boosting variables of appreciation, self-silencing, and perspective-taking.
One factor not accounted for by this comprehensive study is that people’s views can change over time. The factors that led you to find your partner attractive, both romantically and ideologically, may no longer exist. Perhaps your partner was influenced by the larger political conversations to leave those early views behind. You have decided to stick it out but wonder how long this can last. The fact that there were so few couples who differed in political party in the U. Michigan samples could be a red flag (i.e., those at loggerheads split up). This is even more of a reason to work on those other relationship factors.
To sum up, there probably is a good reason to include political preferences on dating apps based on these findings. However, if you’re already committed to your partner, understanding how to navigate differences of opinions can ensure your relationship remains fulfilling across the ideological divide.