It’s Halloween again, with its attendant ghouls, goblins and witches. For something scary, I could create a Project 2025 costume — that oughta chill people’s bones! Also terrifying is No. 45. Drumpf is one of the most frightening creatures on Earth, and JD Vance is a close second. But witches? Where the heck did that costume gain so much ground in the Halloween Hall of Fame?
It’s fascinating to me that witches came down through the ages as the scary ones. In truth, the women thought to be witches were usually aging widows and bachelorettes (now there’s a medieval term for you) who made their living practicing herbal remedies and home medicine because almost all other career paths were closed to them. And since newts and toads were free and plentiful in the medieval European woods, who could blame them for adding a slight markup to their naturally harvested pharmaceuticals?
Now, here comes the really scary part: Guess how many women were burned in Europe during the Middle Ages. Most people guess 1,000, maybe 6,000. Have I got news for you… four-centuries-old news. Some contemporary historians place the numbers in the millions. Exact stats are scarce because the “burn the witches” craze also immolated “familiars” (cats, birds and dogs) along with written records, journals and herbal recipe books.
Please understand that I genuinely don’t mean to make light (pardon the expression) of such an incredible tragedy. Still, there are many centuries between the woman burnings and now, so I can make a few observations without naming names, pending notification of relatives, of course. Since traditional historians don’t seem to think millions of women are worth mentioning, we’ll leave it to a humorist to bring light (there’s that word again) to the darker side of things.
Many people to whom I’ve told this can’t believe there’s been no mention in the “Big History Books” of the multitude of women burned as alleged witches. I maintain that we do remember — at a primitive, cellular level — which explains why it’s the men in our country who barbecue. Ask a woman to light up the grill, and she’s apt to have to mop the kitchen floor suddenly.
Oh yes, the Inquisition had quite a nasty reputation with women in those days. Even sympathetic men had a hard time relating to women. The most well-meaning man could ask a woman if she wanted a light, and she’d be a half-mile down the village path before he could scythe another stalk.
My question remains: why are witches scary Halloween characters? Wouldn’t scarier characters be Drump and Vance, Ted Cruz or the Inquisition yahoos, especially the ones with matchbooks? One can easily imagine Vance lighting a match to the stake with a childless cat lady tied to it. By the way, I searched Amazon for Inquisitor costumes and drum roll, please… they are available! Search for “Adult’s Plus Size Premium Inquisitor Costume, Red Robe, Cape & Hat,” and you’ll find it. The item is perfect for the misogynists in your community. And someone wearing an Inquisitor costume would scare me a lot more than a witch, my little pretty. Happy Halloween!
Switching gears, here is a recommendation and a plug:
• NO on Proposition 33 — It’s ill-advised, damaging legislation that will impact small landlords and, thereby, their tenants. I have two friends who own and rent out single-family homes. They are conscientious landlords and have intentionally kept their rents low to cover costs and provide upkeep for lower-income and middle-class renters. As my friend puts it: “I understand our moral obligation and desire to help others and provide affordable living for all. However, Proposition 33’s one-size-fits-all will not fix the affordable housing problem. On the contrary, it will only create new problems for another demographic…our older citizens.”
My friend was specifically referring to her elderly parents, who will not be able to afford to keep their rental properties which supplement their meager social security benefits. This lunk-headed proposition is similar to the bone-headed one-size-fits-all LA City and County ban on Airbnb and other short-term rental providers. As with those bans, many retired people who depend on rental income to sustain their well-being will again be severely damaged.
• You have the Pwr — Parents and grandparents who are concerned about the safety of their female loved ones, including LGBTQ kids and students (whether protesting something or not), are in a demographic that is more likely to have to deal with personal violence than other demographics. Depending on your generation, you may ask, “Is there an app for that?” Why yes, yes there is! The MyPwr app provides easy access to possibly life-saving verbal, emotional and physical information for those who need it. One of the features I love most is that if one is concerned about prying eyes trying to check out what is on your device, a mere shake of the phone will flip it into a benign-looking cookbook page.
MyPwr is conducting a series of pilots with universities in the United States, Czech Republic and Kazakhstan. Search for “MyPwr” in the app store and have your loved ones download it. At the very least, it will connect them to a global network of people who are, one person at a time, learning how to keep themselves safe from personal violence.
The LA Press Club recently awarded Ellen Snortland Best Columnist and Journalist Of The Year! If you’d like to access Ellen’s other writing, visit ellenbsnortland.substack.com and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.