Love & marriage in Egypt and Taiwan – Whose choice is it? | Us & Them | DW Documentary

Love & marriage in Egypt and Taiwan – Whose choice is it? | Us & Them | DW Documentary

My dad expected me to marry someone and live happily ever after I wanted to get married because I was hoping to find love security a spring in my step and joy in Life they were expecting me to a male partner but it turned out to be different from what they thought a wish and the reality are two very different Things and reality can sometimes be more painful than even your worst nightmares We did everything we could to avoid divorce but nothing worked it seemed like I never really knew my eldest Daughter you do need a man in the family it’s actually quite important absolutely I think they really want a grand child to get married and start a family something most parents want for their kids but when it comes to families things can get explosive younger people think that it’s impossible to commit

Without love something older people often question do the youth really know what they’re doing with their Lives young and old our realities and dreams can be so different seriously it seems like there’s a huge gap between the generations sometimes we just don’t get each other the question is can we fix [Applause] It [Applause] Hello isn’t that beautiful it goes to our marriage lasted three three and a half years we had known each other before and worked together I just falsely assumed that love wasn’t so important and people should keep their their feelings under control but that was wrong the heart and the mind have to

Work together toward the same goal they shouldn’t fight each other a balanced life is a more beautiful One She and I had different views on the subject of divorce I could sense how she was feeling even though we’re so different I really felt the pain that my daughter was constantly going through and I saw it with my own eyes it really worried me this is a huge problem it wasn’t like

That in our time we never discussed divorce as much as we do now it was only when there was really no other option but now divorce is so easy everything was different before everything including finances we just wanted different things and we’re not the only ones dealing with this

We have one of the highest divorce rates in the world life just didn’t used to be so complicated and parents didn’t put so much pressure on their children on brides and grooms we didn’t worry about how to finance everything we were only concerned with making each other happy yes that is very

Important social media has ruined everything yeah but there were problems before that too yes but it’s a big part of the problem Esra in fact Egypt’s divorce rate has tripled over the past 15 years and despite anti- divorce courses is now offered all over the country more than

60% of the country’s young couples are Separating I told them I had a girlfriend and we were getting married And also that we were planning to use artificial insemination that was a lot for them to Digest I was standing in the kitchen when she told me and it looked like she wanted to cry that made me want to cry too Since we know we want to have children and I have trouble producing healthy eggs we thought it would be better to freeze them then we would have more options later my dream is to have two kids their genders don’t matter maybe two dogs and we live near their grandparents

I was already a mother of two at their age but they are only just now thinking about having children I thought back then I was already quite mature yoyo is only getting started with everything now that’s why I think young people today are still kind of immature like

Kids in Taiwan many young women are using to delay pregnancy and motherhood but freezing eggs is typically just a precautionary measure and is rarely meant for artificial insemination moreover Taiwan has one of the lowest birth rates in the World what do you what do You I have very big dreams and I don’t know whether or not I’ll be able to achieve them but they are growing inside of me every day one of my dreams was to become a makeup artist but getting there has been difficult I had doubts as a makeup arti

How do I do this and for whom with what but I can do it my parents had so many questions they were scared and they didn’t understand what was happening they felt sad and worried and didn’t know what they could do to help Papa really felt the pressure

He got very sick had a heart attack and was hospitalized it was the first time in my life that I understood how much something like this can affect a father he almost died he was doing so poorly because I was doing so poorly that really shook me

Thank God we supported our daughter and she came back to live with us my dear Esra my daughter and my friend she is my best friend and the only one I trust completely I love my other children very much too of course but Esra and I share a special bond

Because she is my first born my dear Esra Just can I have a tissue please [Applause] While divorce is now part of everyday life in Egypt homosexuality is illegal by contrast Taiwan was the first country in Asia to legalize same-sex marriage in 2019 even so these couples are still far from being generally accepted in society some people don’t view same-sex marriages as a real

Family and of course my parents worry about that because they wonder whether our kids will be bullied or discriminated against later on because of it to all gods my name is yoyo we will be going to the US next year to start the process of artificial insemination please make sure everything goes

Well I hope to return with a healthy baby can I have a watermelon Juice $4 here you go no I don’t need a bag I had no idea that she didn’t like men when she came out to us I was so shocked and I couldn’t accept it In fact her father even blamed me by suggesting that she had developed such ideas and intentions because of how I had raised Her I also started to reflect on myself and tried to figure out if I had done anything wrong or failed her as a father me So say Had I as her father failed to be a good role model for her Men from my generation were not ever allowed to cry fortunately I was alone in the car so I let it all out I had a good cry then wiped my face dry pulled myself back together and went back to work as her mother if I couldn’t accept

Or support this it wouldn’t make a difference she’s grown up now but if I agree and support her help her in the future that could make our relationship much stronger hi hi why are you wearing glasses I just wanted to update you on the procedure my belly feels a bit

Swollen this time it felt like that last night I don’t know if that’s a good sign what do you think hi is it cold in Shanghai everyone’s still asleep no one’s at work yet it’s very hot in taipe around 27 or 28° C that’s great it’s cold and dry here

That’s why my voice sounds like this just like a cat bye bye bye bye I’ll let you know when it’s all over bye bye Cairo means security for me this is the place where I was born the traffic the community the warmth my family and my friends they’ve all been with me my

Whole life I’ve always lived in the heart of Cairo and I’ve never even left Egypt so there’s no place I know as well as Here they keep telling me they want me to be the next one who gets married I hope I never hear that again why are you married look he’s a man and he’s also scared I’m not afraid but marriage takes a lot of work no my dear we are not in America

This Society here puts pressure on us to get married your mama will try to set you up too no no [Laughter] way I thought that my mom was more modern she didn’t talk about it so much and acted as if it wasn’t an issue that I haven’t gotten married again yet then I found out she hired a whole secret team to set me up my mom everybody in my family all my friends

Who got married said don’t get Married her father and I suffered a lot life was not easy for us of course we faced difficulties and we overcame them but this generation is impatient it worries me why I’m afraid for them how Society will judge them and what the future will bring and how tradition and culture may

Change we built a strong foundation for them we’ve taught them and taken care of them now they can decide what is good and what is bad yes that’s exactly what reassures me and they’ll be able to make good decisions whether we’re there or Not Is I felt connected to all the things and places like they are part of my soul I didn’t just want to dump my things anywhere these are my things things that my daughter has played with it’s a terrible feeling that I don’t wish on anyone um I can only encourage other women to

Take marriage seriously because in the end you aren’t just making decisions for yourself you’re also making them for your children and that’s not easy it really isn’t I’m not sure she actually wants a child but she’s planned everything well in any case they have been wanting a grandchild for a long

Time nowadays parents always act so cool act like they don’t care because they don’t want to pressure their kids but deep down I think they really want to become Grandparents after we explained artificial insemination to them in detail they accepted everything they’re hoping the first try will be Successful our chances are good I’ve already harvested 26 eggs we want to have two children in the future one egg from me and one from my partner it might not succeed the first time but I’m sure eventually it will all work out with all the medical possibilities

We have today we will definitely get there as long as we don’t give up [Applause] I’m excited to have a new family Member and it’s great to see how my other children her siblings have been supportive and optimistic about the marriage and their plans to artificially inseminate even their grandmother too and she is already in her 70s she loves her grandchildren regardless and supports her fortunately my mom was wise and

Offered her support she said it was the right thing to do [Laughter] [Laughter] oh no please don’t I won’t go near you like that it’s just some cream on my finger for a mask but I don’t want To that’s this or the Dress this one this one looks much nicer is there a matching head scarf as well yes this one and what do you wear underneath a black top and what do you think about this one the other one is more suitable for weddings but this one makes me look like

The mother of the bride well but you are kind of like the mother to a bride I hope you are the next bride with mask or Without I hope that all my daughter’s wishes come true may I God have mercy on her and guide her I really hope that God will make her happy I am just waiting for my daughter to get some good news in my heart I feel that God will help her and make her Happy I have never lost hope of committing to a new relationship again I would even get married again even though my first marriage failed I know that everyone is different I always say that my life is like a book there are some pages that I’ll fold and cut others that I’ll just rip

Out but the story will continue until my last day there is hope written on every page in Life choosing to accept her and give her our best wishes was the right thing to do I truly believe it and as her father seeing her smile happily really touched Me everyone in the family is facing some kind of pressure and even though things often don’t turn out the way we hope we can still be a happy family no matter who is part of It actually I decided on the speech only last night I was afraid I would forget something so I wrote it down but I really want to look you in the eyes while saying this so if I forget something please forgive me you the most impatient person in the

World remind me every day that I’m a good person that gave me back my confidence thank you after this speech I’m sure I’ll have to redo my makeup I am a lucky person I always have felt blessed I have never said this before but the luckiest thing to ever happen to

Me was being born into this family you let me grow up in such a happy family I have no words to express how much I love [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] you [Applause] W he

Getting married, starting a family, children – topics that often trigger heated discussions. While parents often vouch for traditional values and security, young people have their own ideas. Young people like Yoyo in Taiwan and Esraa in Egypt.

Yoyo lives with her parents in Taipei. She’s 30 years old; her mother already had two children at that age. Her announcement that she plans to marry a woman comes as a shock to her parents. Same-sex marriages were only legalized in Taiwan in 2019. Although the country is one of the most liberal in Asia, Yoyo’s parents fear she’ll be marginalized and suffer discrimination. And: Yoyo wants to have children.

It’s a largely similar picture in Esraa’s home city Cairo. She’s also in her early thirties and lives with her parents. The big difference here is that Esraa has already started a family. But her marriage has failed – like so many young marriages in Egypt. The nation has one of the highest divorce rates in the world. But Esraa’s parents believe marriage should last forever. They’re torn – they don’t understand their daughter, but they also don’t want to cut her off. How can they support Esraa and their little granddaughter? Should she stand on her own two feet – or re-marry as soon as possible?

In many parts of the world, parents often get involved in their adult children’s family planning. Sometimes, this well-meaning support becomes a burden and ends up creating huge pressure. But even still, grandparents are important too.

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