Seriously though – don’t leave your nets out! Wildlife aid is always having to come out and save swans, foxes and what not from football, tennis nets etc.
Oh nooo… I am all tangled up and also need Greggs… Someone please help me!
Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double Percy Foster dies in badger den
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“Lauren Goodger narrowly avoids walking into a puddle during day out in Essex.”
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2560118/Lauren-Goodger-jumps-round-puddle-outside-coffee-shop-friend.html
Seriously though – don’t leave your nets out! Wildlife aid is always having to come out and save swans, foxes and what not from football, tennis nets etc.
Oh nooo… I am all tangled up and also need Greggs… Someone please help me!
Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double Percy Foster dies in badger den
[A “bright orange” bird that was rescued by concerned members of the public turned out to be a seagull covered in curry or turmeric.](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-48832481)
Someone shove a roasting hot Steak Bake down it’s beak!
Not a headline, but I once got asked to “help Jonty put up bunting round the croquet lawn”. Do I win £5?
My favourite headline was in a local Essex newspaper some years ago reporting on library closures: BOOK LACK IN ONGAR.
Coincidently I was robbed in bored daylight by 4 gulls. For my greggs of course. They like cheese and bean pasties
In Newquay a few years ago I saw on the board outside a newsagents ‘Duck Death Driver Not at Fault’
Obviously it’s sad that the duck had died, but it still made me laugh that someone accidentally killing a duck was such big news there
I sucked off the butcher for his last pigs in blankets but my drunk husband put them up his arse
Don’t forget to give it a cigarette, it’s probably been hours since it last ate a butt off the floor.